Text: A-lephants – Saan Sing Ace/Aro Buddies, Saan Sing Sex and Gender Concern Group

What would it be like to be in a love relationship that is not driven by sexual attractions?

If sexual and romantic love are split into spectrums of attraction, those at the non-sexual end are the asexual (a.k.a “Ace”). An ace may feel romantic love or other attractions from some one, yet rarely relate them to sexual desire. Although aces may still have physical desires and intimacies with others, they seldom feel sexually attracted to those physical interactions. Sexual orientation is not only about the object of sexual desire. Identities, like whether you are gay or straight, presented various forms of sexual/ gender attraction.

In the eye of aces, sex and love are not necessarily bound. While physical intercourse could be independent of love, relationships that value companionship, spiritual or platonic communication, or romantic love can also exist and are not depreciated by the absence of sex.

Who a person is attracted to physically, mentally, and emotionally will show up in the relationships built. While sex is seen by mainstream society as an integral part of an intimate relationship; some might value romantic relationship by the frequency of sexual act. It becomes more challenging for the aces to come out or negotiate sexual interactions with their partner. The allosexual (non-asexual) partner may misinterpret that their asexual partner is cheating or not “in love” enough. Society may also assume that the asexual is just sexually conservative and “hasn’t met the right person.” Some aces might be judged to get medical help for sexual dysfunction or frigidity. In the face of prejudice from their loved ones and society, asexual folks may get into self-doubt and even be led to undergo conversion treatment in drugs or sex, while little attention is given to the group and the situation they are in.

As “Asexuality” is the focus of this year’s Hong Kong LGBT Pride Parade, we want to highlight the need to make the local asexual community visible. According to a survey released this year by the Family Planning Association, the aces contribute about 4% of the young population in Hong Kong. Like their LGBT+ friends, the aces may feel insecure and marginalised in society due to their sexuality, romantic orientation, and gender. By understanding the asexual group and learning from their community and needs, we can expand our imagination of intimacies and embrace the different facets of sex/ gender.

Love is a diverse spectrum that encompasses all forms, including the asexual. In the broad spectrum and the world of intersectionality, we shall hope for more visibility and inclusion; in solidarity, we seek the coming of the daybreak.